A SCHOOL YEAR WITHOUT PAIN AND TEARS, PART 2: NO, SPECIAL AND US

WE FURTHER OWN THE SCHOOL YEAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR

The first weekend after the start of the school year is a good time to prepare for what awaits us until June, as well as to return to the topic of conduct that will help you survive this period in a less stressful and friendlier way for the child (and for the parent). So here are three more tips. If you want to talk about them or anything else related to your child's education, remember - today and tomorrow we are at the Azoty Arena at the "DzieCKO Mama Dad" Fair from 10.00 to 18.00!

Don't say "don't do something" when you want your child not to do something

In one experiment, participants were told not to think about a white elephant. As a result, poor people could not shake off the vision of a whole herd of white elephants.

The brain is a very perfidious and somewhat rebellious creature. He hates the word "no", for example. If you tell your brain, "Don't do it," it, like a rebel, will only hear what comes after "no." So instead of "Don't eat three chocolates a day" he will hear "Eat three chocolates a day". Damn grammar, he just got permission to devour unlimited amounts of chocolate, hooray!

This is why various resolutions (not just New Year's resolutions) that start with denial usually fail. If our list consists of the items "I will not smoke", "I will not eat sweets", "I will not sit in front of the TV all evening with a bag of crisps", then the brain ... have you guessed? Yes, the brain enjoys this daily party we just promised it.

This is how the brain works perversely, both young and adult. Therefore, the best way to get rid of bad habits (not only children) is to change the command from "no" to the command from "yes". The “yes” command should be an indication of a new, better behavior that we care about, rather than a memory of the wrong behavior that we are trying to remove. Does your child leave homework to the last minute? Let's replace "Don't leave homework until the last minute" with something like "When you get home from school and have lunch, do your practice homework." Child writes badly in a notebook? We change "Don't write so fast and indistinctly" to "Write slowly and clearly in your notebook, because that way both you and the lady will be able to read each other." The child performed a mathematical operation in such a way that even the greatest abstract painter would not know what he actually sees? We throw out the window the remark, "You can't subtract first, then add divided, and then throw everything in parentheses on the floor," and reach for a prompt like, "Let's do the parentheses first, then multiply, then add what's waiting on the side."

(Of course, this means that the title of this passage should be written as: "Say 'do something' when you want the child to do something. But the stylistic effect would not be the same ...)

Specific welcome

The child likes specific messages and specific commands - then it is easier for him to understand what we want. (In fact, this point is not just about children, but we are focusing on children.) Therefore, for his convenience, our peace of mind and mutual understanding, let's tell him very precisely what we mean.

Let doing homework be even a detailed calculation "Do math exercises, drawing for nature, read a book and mark nouns, learn words from an English story by heart"; cleaning the room - putting the blocks in the box, arranging the dolls and books on the shelf and making the bed; and behaving politely at school - listening to you during lessons, talking to a friend only during breaks (who remembers the previous subpoint, surely knows why I didn't write "not talking during lessons") and borrowing someone's crayons only after asking if it is allowed.

It seems like we're going to have to talk a lot more this way? It's just appearances. A specific command given once is still shorter than a general command, which must be repeated twenty times (still with poor effect). So let's talk to the child in specifics, and we will make it easier for him to learn - and contact us.

The magic word "we" (and the anti-magic word "must")

A lot of people don't like orders and messages like "do this, do that". There are also children among these people. Some people (including children) react to commanding and commanding statements only with a lack of enthusiasm; some people (including children) get irritated or discouraged; and some (including children) get mad then. No, not because they have to do something - often they themselves know they have to. They react this way because someone tells them they have to.

Such reactions can be disarmed in two ways - preferably in combination. The first part is to convert the form of the second person singular ("you have to do it") to the first plural form ("we have to do it"). In practice, it doesn't change anything - the other person is still burdened with their duty, we don't take anything on ourselves and we don't do it for them. The child is still struggling with the math task, Polish essay, and English words. However, it is somehow easier and more lively to face it when there is a supporting (and seemingly relieving) "us" behind your back. It's nice to think that your own mother is involved in the ordeal of multiplication and division, and your own father in remembering the names of animals in English.

The second part is to throw the word "must" out the door and replace it with other phrases (which can also take the form of an imperative, but are free of the unfortunate "must"). So instead of "you have to add" - "let's add"; instead of "you have to enter here" - "let's enter here"; instead of "you have to do these lessons" - "let's do our homework" or "we'll do our homework". The need is replaced by a clear indication of direction, a decision to get to work, or the feeling that it has basically already begun to work. What does the word "must" actually mean? Oh, not a pleasant weather forecast for the future. What about "let's/do"? It is already a clear decision, showing the activity, being included in it. And at the same time, the form of a proposal, made together with the promise of participation (“we”!).

This, of course, is not the end - we still have a few more things that we want to share with you. However, we will do it next time, because at the moment we have our hands full at the Fair. If you don't want to wait until the next post (or you just want to meet and learn more about us), we invite you to stand number 10, to EDU. We are in Azoty at the "DzieCKO Mama Dad" Fair throughout the weekend and we are waiting for you!